Tale of The TOON

(Sing to the tune of “The Blaydon Races”

They all went down to Villa Park
Twas the 24th of May
Hoping God would smile on them
Upon the Sabbath day
Proud as punch in stripey shirts
Cream of the Geordie Nation
Ganning along to Birmingham
To see the relegation

Oh me lads you should’ve seen them crying
Watching the shambles on the pitch
Premier dreams a’dying
All the lads and lasses there
All had gloomy faces
Ganning doon to the championship
With aal of Shearer’s aces

Now way back in September
They told a different tale
Keegan’s second coming?
How could the players fail?
But then along come Dennis Wise
Who dared to travel Norf
Kevin didn’t like his ways
And quickly scarpered orf!

Oh me lads! I think they need a genie
Owen untfit, Xisco’s s**t
And what of Coloccini?
Given’s a great keeper
But he’s left the sinking ship
And Harper will be canny good
Doon in the championship

Now after Keegan scarpered
They all cried in their beer
But fear not, next up
Good old Joe Kinnear
With poor Joe confined to bed
For his recuperation
They wondered who’d be the man
To save the “Geordie Nation”

Oh me lads, the poor one’s in the Freeman
Ashley’s scared to watch a game
The fans are all a steamin’
Who could turn this team around
Before they turned to violence?
Hughton got the nod and came out
To the sound of silence

Ashley looked around and saw
The damage that they’d done
He’d lost a couple of million quid
For every game they’d won
He sank another pint in one
And had a revelation
Mary poppins is the one
To save the Geordie Nation

Oh me lads! The Toon are aal but dead
Obafemi’s injured
(or at least that’s what he said)
Ah can’t believe with Alan boss
We haven’t got much higher
Or is he just like Kevin Keegan
another false Messiah?

Oh me lads! The Toon are in the carts
No mare trips to Old Trafford
Now it’s off to foreign parts
Tell aal the cheeky Mackems
That this story isn’t over
Follow the Toon Army ALL
…the way to Donny Rovers!